Monday, April 1, 2019

BREAKING NEWS: All Of Dorchester To Be Paved By End Of Next Week


It appears Dorchester's secret initiative to begin paving more of its streets has been taken to a new level.

Following a 5-0 emergency vote last night by the Dorchester Village Board, plans have been made to issue bonds starting today and begin paving every street, alley and intersection in Dorchester by the end of this week.

According to one town board trustee, "This will be an unprecedented paving exercise.  

"Not since the Civilian Conservation Corps was a working in the 1930s will Nebraska have seen so much concrete poured in just a few days," the board member said.

Details sent to the Times report that several Lincoln-based construction companies will be contracted to do the paving.

One resident who heard the news celebrated will a loud yell that was mistaken for the village emergency siren.  She said: "Now my car won't get stuck in the gravel potholes anymore."

Our sources tell us the village won't stop here and that "several" blighted properties will see their yards paved since the residents park in the yards anyway.

The Times has also learned that several opponents to the paving have caught wind of the plan and will be picketing on Main Street to greet the pavers.

Developing ... Please remember it's April 1.

3 comments:

  1. Dorchester is shovel ready.

    ReplyDelete
  2. When did Vladimir Putin move into Dorchester and take over???

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think it is time to republish a times poll...what in town needs most immediate work

    ReplyDelete

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