Thursday, April 1, 2010

BREAKING: Sources Say Paving Begins Tomorrow

A well-respected, trusted source has informed the Times that paving equipment will roll into town tomorrow morning to begin paving more than a dozen of Dorchester's gravel streets.

The source spoke to the Times on the condition of anonymity. According to details provided, a Lincoln-based company will be conducting the paving work. "We're going forward," the source said.

When asked if the village board had the authority to pave streets without a direct vote of Dorchester residents, the Times was told that "gap paving" is allowed under Chapter 19 of the State Statutes. Paving will occur on streets connected to existing paving, for up to 1325 feet from existing pavement, according to the source.

Reportedly, former village board members who served during the 1979 paving debate will be on hand to watch the process. The former board members "may even break ground on one of the gravel roads," the source said.

The Times has learned that several paving opponents have caught wind of the plan and will be picketing on Main Street to greet the pavers.

The picketers are said to be considering resurrecting a key argument used by opponents in the 1979 dispute.

The slogan picketers will use? "We lived on a farm and walked in both dirt and manure and it didn’t hurt us."

(UPDATE, 11:20 a.m.: Happy April Fools Day. We wanted to lighten the mood and hope our readers can share a chuckle with us.)

5 comments:

  1. Dare I say April fools!!! Sick joke if it is...

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  2. Let me guess..."April Fool's" right?

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  3. Yea, and they are making our streets paved in gold too.

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  4. Better get out your checkbooks!

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  5. Sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is unbelievable and intolerable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    You should be banned from the internett.

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